Sunday, November 29, 2009

Survival instincts

I have started and deleted numerous blogs before this one. I don't know why I am so hesitant to commit to putting down my thoughts in this way. I think it is the transparency of it all. The thoughts I have and the thoughts I share are, like most people, usually very different.

I used to wake up in the middle of the night and could not go back to sleep until I could get a certain thought or idea down on paper. For some reason since I have gotten married that feeling has subsided. I don't know why, it was like all of a sudden when "I" became "we" the thoughts I for so long kept to myself never felt fully mine anymore. For some reason I felt like writing down all these feelings and longings and not sharing them with my husband felt like betrayal. Then with each passing year I "needed" to write less and less, and now I hardly even give my journal a second thought.

I hope this blog will be a place where I can share those thought that are currently stuck inside my head, and get used to getting them out again.