Saturday, April 24, 2010

Part 2

I am finding it so much harder to write regularly than I thought I would (isn't it always that way?)

So, let's go back to Sunday, December 6th 2009. I knew I was pregnant, Kelly knew I was I had to find a way to let Cory know. Since he works at a church, Sunday is obviously his big working day, so I had all day and all night to figure it out.

The weirdest part of this whole experience is that I actually figured out how I would tell him the night before, BEFORE I knew I was pregnant. As I was falling asleep I thought of it, and said to myself that if I EVER get pregnant I will tell him this way. I never thought that I would be putting it all together the next day!

So with shaking hands (I don't think I stopped shaking that day) I drove myself to Wal-Mart and got a big T-shirt and some iron-on letters and here is what I made...

(Isn't she cute? In case you can't read it because my hands were shaking while I made it and so the letters are disgustingly crooked, oh, and I suck at crafts, it says "Big Sister." Can you tell by the look on her face how excited she is about her new role?)

After I made the shirt I left for church, where I saw my husband and had to hug him and talk to him and pretend everything was normal when inside I was like "THERE'S A BABY IN HERE!!"

After church I ran home and tried to distract myself while I waited for him to come home. He still had one more church service to work before he would come home. Then, around the time he should be walking in the door, I get a phone call, "Hey Babe, I'm going to Bully's (a local bar) with some of the guys, is that OK?" Seriously? "I really wish you wouldn't," I said, practically hyperventilating.

Pause. Now, I had two choices here. I could be THAT wife who makes her husband come home and spend time with her when all he wants to do after working about 15 hours straight is go have a beer. Or, I could be the cool wife who lets him have his guy time. So of course, always the cool and understanding wife, I said that it was fine. What was one more hour, right?

An hour AND A HALF later, he walks through the door. I will always have this moment etched into my memory. He walks in like he always does and comes over to give me kiss. On his way to me he pauses because he realizes our dog is asleep on the couch wearing a T-shirt. He HATES dog clothes, so he barely acknowledges it and comes and gives me a kiss. "Do you like Bella's shirt?" I asked. "Yes," he said, in the most sarcastic tone possible. "Did you read it?" I asked. He walks over to her and pulls it a little to read the whole thing. As he realized what he was reading he looked back at me with a look on his face that will always bring tears to my eyes when I think of it. "Are you pregnant?" "YES!!!" I yelled, jumping up and pulling out that pee stick I had put in my pocket for just that very moment.

To say this was one of the best days of my life would be an understatement. To say I am excited would be the same. I am over JOYED. And as I relay how my pregnancy has gone so far in later posts (nausea, heartburn, generally feeling crappyness), please know that none of that has taken away that joy, the silent and constant sense of utter bliss I feel when I think about this little one I am carrying.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

And the very next day...

I found out I was pregnant!

I still can't believe that day even happened. I still can't believe when I look down I see a little belly sticking out. That I get to have the memory of Cory's face when I told him that he was going to be a father, that I get to keep that memory and bring it to mind whenever I want to, because it's mine and it's real.

That Sunday morning I woke up and told myself that I would take a pregnancy test (not a new experience at this point). This time, I told myself, I wouldn't build up false hope but I also wouldn't let myself get discouraged. I would simply take the test and look at it and process whatever the results were as they came.

So I peed on a stick. And I got in the shower because I hate the waiting while the line either shows up or it doesn't. As I got out of the shower I crept (literally) up to the stick and held it in my hands and slowly, very slowly, held it up to my eyes. And I swear to you, there was a line. It was faint, very very faint, but it was there! I honestly did not know what to do. I pulled myself together and did what any normal girl would do...I hauled ass down to my best friend's house which is right down the street. She must have thought I was losing it. I show up at her house and barely acknowledge her husband and pull her into her sun room. I pulled the shaking stick out of my pocket. "Kelly, I need you to look at this, and I need you to be rational for me, because I am freaking out..." She looked at it and I could see in her eyes a look of someone who really loves me. The guarded look of joy. She told me, like a good friend, that yes there was a line but I should just wait until the next morning and pee on ANOTHER stick, and if there was something there again then I was pregnant.

Rational? Yes. Impossible to follow through with? Absolutely.

I tried, I really did. I followed through with my day exactly as planned. I drove to Gardnerville to spend time with my adorable nephew. I chatted, I cooed, I went through all the appropriate motions. But I was FREAKING OUT. As I drove home (in a snow storm) I realized I had to pee. I realized that if I could hold it all the way back to Reno, through Wal-Mart, and home again I could take another test. So I survived the drive, the rushed trip through Wal-Mart, and the drive home (nearly peeing my pants no less than three times) and I peed on another stick.

And there was another line.

I think most people would be convinced at this point. But I wasn't. After so many negative tests, so many months of trying and being disappointed, it was going to take more than a few faint lines to convince me.

Two hours later I had to pee again, so this time I pulled out the big guns. The Digital Test. I peed. I waited. I did laundry. And as I was folding it I jumped back and forth into the bathroom waiting to see the results. Fold two shirts, jump into the bathroom. Fold some socks, jump into the bathroom...and on my last trip, my last jump, I came upon the words I had been waiting my whole life for. PREGNANT. Clear as day, beautiful as anything I've ever seen.

So of course I hauled ass back down to Kelly house, and pulled her back into her sun room, and pulled out the stick that could not be questioned. The tears in her eyes matched my own and we jumped and screeched in whispers because her sister was sitting in the living room. It was one of the many moments I had been waiting for.

This is a ridiculously long post, I realize. But I want to get this all down so I will remember what this all felt like.

Part II will include how I told Cory, and how the last 13 weeks has been!