Wednesday, February 10, 2010

And the very next day...

I found out I was pregnant!

I still can't believe that day even happened. I still can't believe when I look down I see a little belly sticking out. That I get to have the memory of Cory's face when I told him that he was going to be a father, that I get to keep that memory and bring it to mind whenever I want to, because it's mine and it's real.

That Sunday morning I woke up and told myself that I would take a pregnancy test (not a new experience at this point). This time, I told myself, I wouldn't build up false hope but I also wouldn't let myself get discouraged. I would simply take the test and look at it and process whatever the results were as they came.

So I peed on a stick. And I got in the shower because I hate the waiting while the line either shows up or it doesn't. As I got out of the shower I crept (literally) up to the stick and held it in my hands and slowly, very slowly, held it up to my eyes. And I swear to you, there was a line. It was faint, very very faint, but it was there! I honestly did not know what to do. I pulled myself together and did what any normal girl would do...I hauled ass down to my best friend's house which is right down the street. She must have thought I was losing it. I show up at her house and barely acknowledge her husband and pull her into her sun room. I pulled the shaking stick out of my pocket. "Kelly, I need you to look at this, and I need you to be rational for me, because I am freaking out..." She looked at it and I could see in her eyes a look of someone who really loves me. The guarded look of joy. She told me, like a good friend, that yes there was a line but I should just wait until the next morning and pee on ANOTHER stick, and if there was something there again then I was pregnant.

Rational? Yes. Impossible to follow through with? Absolutely.

I tried, I really did. I followed through with my day exactly as planned. I drove to Gardnerville to spend time with my adorable nephew. I chatted, I cooed, I went through all the appropriate motions. But I was FREAKING OUT. As I drove home (in a snow storm) I realized I had to pee. I realized that if I could hold it all the way back to Reno, through Wal-Mart, and home again I could take another test. So I survived the drive, the rushed trip through Wal-Mart, and the drive home (nearly peeing my pants no less than three times) and I peed on another stick.

And there was another line.

I think most people would be convinced at this point. But I wasn't. After so many negative tests, so many months of trying and being disappointed, it was going to take more than a few faint lines to convince me.

Two hours later I had to pee again, so this time I pulled out the big guns. The Digital Test. I peed. I waited. I did laundry. And as I was folding it I jumped back and forth into the bathroom waiting to see the results. Fold two shirts, jump into the bathroom. Fold some socks, jump into the bathroom...and on my last trip, my last jump, I came upon the words I had been waiting my whole life for. PREGNANT. Clear as day, beautiful as anything I've ever seen.

So of course I hauled ass back down to Kelly house, and pulled her back into her sun room, and pulled out the stick that could not be questioned. The tears in her eyes matched my own and we jumped and screeched in whispers because her sister was sitting in the living room. It was one of the many moments I had been waiting for.

This is a ridiculously long post, I realize. But I want to get this all down so I will remember what this all felt like.

Part II will include how I told Cory, and how the last 13 weeks has been!